meeting people is tricky stuff, and i am certain that the pain of failed relationships is, though worth the effort sometimes, just as painful if not more painful then long-standing loneliness, especially for the fact that it poisons your thoughts and day dreams about how wonderful it will be when you do find someone to appreciate.
i'm still young and i have a whole life ahead of me, i have all the time in the world, every second that i'm alive could be spent finding companionship but thats not what i want because building my understanding of myself is more important than finding someone to fill in the blanks. nothing about knowing men makes logical sense to me, nothing about being in love makes me nostalgic and girlish but when i ignore what i think i know, i feel strongly that i need someone in my life to appreciate with the vigor that i already enjoy what i love. how can i read books or listen to music without becoming depressed when i dont have anyone to relate those feelings to? i feel as though i'm trapped in a state of prolonged adolescence, my love life is every bit as underwhelming and depressing and desperate as it was when i was 13. i guess i'm just waiting for my turn.