fourf a jou lie

today just so happened to be my day off, but unfortunately i didnt end up doing much in the way of family-time festivities. the fireworks have yet to go off and i'm actually quite content in my drunken food cave here in my room, recovering from a day of walking in the hotter-than-hell's-hinges sun.

originally i expected to end up in riverside today, then when those plans failed i was prepared to receive company here and when plans fell apart for a third time i ended up brownbagging (or more like h&m bagging) a bottle of wine and trekkin around my city, treading through an antique mall, work, urban outfitters, a barnes and noble (more on that later) and ending up in a park for an hour chain smoking and flipping through a magazine, furiously texting my friends from afar.

it's funny to have the bedroom blog's title remain, yet change settings. heh. well it's a bedroom, still, and this bedroom belongs to me (for a month!)today i tried to be semi-festive, with a rust-hued petticoat, striped tank and sunhat. what you don't see is the red ferragamos and the mother mary pendant as well as a tortoiseshell bangle and of course, the aforementioned brownbagged bottle o booze



the fireworks are beginning to go off and i truly feel just so lethargic that i can't even muster up the strength to go outside. my only real motivation would be seeing my hot skateboarding neighbor, who happens to have seen me boogieing down in mere knickers this afternoon (honestly, completely unintentional)

the highlight of my fourth of july was stepping into whole foods on a whim and coming out with a bag of fancy new groceries, which i may or may not have been completely hammered when buying..gosh i love that place. too, too much. afterwards, i collapsed into bed in a dizzy spell and ate too many popsicles and peanut butter..if i can't have hotdogs and potato salad i'll pig out on my own special treats!

i picked up a french vogue today and i will never be the blog to tackle "big important issues affecting women today" but i will say i admired the magazines more realistic perspective to sexiness, which in the end was so much more seductive and actually sexy than the adverts and spreads i see in mags here. there were models about 10 lbs heavier than american models, with wider torsos and thicker legs and more sturdy arms and within these healthier bodies you actually responded to their musculature and skin and fat on a relatable level, more than you would seeing a human unlike one you're ever seen in real-life. i've always been a fan of a thinner is better motto in print, under the impression it was more posh, but it's just not true! it is 100 times more effective to watch a woman work her functioning, healthy (that's not to say it isnt ideal) body into clothes, to see the life inside of the fashion. these was another similar but different situation regarding a model's body hair. probably the most sensual, effective, summery picture i've EVER seen was a shot of a model's back of the knees to her derriere in a really, really skimpy pair of high-waisted shorts but the kicker was she had this deadly duo i always associate with surfer boy babes, the beachy, low-maintenance combination of a deep tan with downy, sun bleached leg hair trickling up into her bum cheeks and over her venus dimples. PERFECTION, i'm telling you.

i had an opportunity to really assess the move today when i was feeling loose in the park, but i decided to hold off judgement until a later date. for right now, i like taking care of myself.



as long as there are stars above you

generally, i find it to be pretty silly and shallow to be a woman to just doesnt like other women because it's so transparent and obviously a competitive thing, but there is one breed of woman (and i suppose there is a male equivalent to this that doesnt nearly irritate me as much) who just makes me want to claw her eyes out. it's the "mama bears". i just think that women who find themselves in situations where they're surrounded by men or younger, less experienced women and proceed to take control of all household chores and enjoy lecturing others/offering up their halfwit "pearls of wisdom" which are mostly based on cliches that theyve overheard other adults say their whole lives are just the lowest, creepiest, most un-liberated people. the term "my boys", when used in a sentence like "making lasagna for my boys" or "these boys just can't do anything on their own" makes my skin crawl. BUT, since this move ive had several situations where ive had to remind myself that i will, under no circumstance, clean or tidy up for anybody other than myself. even if leaving cute notes for my roommates or folding laundry or excessively scouring the bathroom gets me a little more authority over my living situation, i just can't let myself be that "mama bear". even if it makes my life easier, because my time is worth more than that and i'm worth a lot more than "the maid" or "mom". it's been truly terrible to be here with these dudes sometimes, they sleep till 11 and never say thank you, they don't do any chores, they leave the garage door open all night or day and leave the front door unlocked when they go to bed (who does that!?), they leave the fans on all night long and instead of opening a window (which i assure you would work just as well) they turn on the a/c.. but i refuse to get anyone to do anything for me by selling my sex appeal or guilt-tripping someone into doing something by applying some faux-maternal attitude.

there was an incident last week where i believed there to be a ghost in the house- i'd come home really late from work and one roommate was asleep, the other in seattle. upstairs, the lights were on and some mainstream r+b was playing and i assumed we'd gotten a new roommate..but then in the morning nobody was there. was it an intruder? a ghoul? i haven't ouija-d in my new place yet, though you'd better believe that was the first thing i packed into my car.

it's been a little less than a month and i still don't have any friends here. i try my best to spend time in public places and people watch, i know my crowd and i'm so lonely i feel pretty comfortable talking to strangers, but i havent yet gone to a rager/date/trip to the park/bake sale/hike/passion party since my arrival. i'm waiting for school to start to have common ground with people and hopefully come september, if nothing else, i'll gain the social interaction i hunger for.

i'm still not even completely set-up here, i have a ton of pictures that still need hanging and thats fine by me, i'd rather be totally sure about where i want these puppy/kitten portraits and paint-by-numbers than deal with what i did at my last place, which was covering up holes in the walls with pictures, which took aesthetic priority over the actual position of the wall decor.

i don't have my sewing supplies here at the moment, which kills me..i have resorted to safety pinning things when i need to, and also i don't have an iron/ironing board (though i do have a steamer) so i couldn't press seams or anything even if i wanted to..but my job's dress code has presented me with several new wardrobe dilemmas which would be so easily remedied by a few basic pieces that i could whip up in a minute, like a black, basic dirndl and a seersucker or gingham shirt. i am not allowed to wear shorts so a lot of my basic bottoms are out of the question.

and now, for something completely different:


" There was a man in the place and it seemed good!"

when i'm feeling extra romantic and feminine, i like to sit on my windowsill and pretend to be Madge from the movie "Picnic" and brush and shake out my hair.


moving on up


rarely do i have anything to post about anymore, i've been trying to focus on making real things happen with the inspiration i draw from images i spot online and with the angst i feel rather than cataloging it here..but i do have much to share and considering the fact that i don't really have anyone to discuss my life's developments with at the moment, i suppose this would be a good place to gab.

i decided on a whim 2 weeks ago that i would like to move to pasadena, california and so i did just that. i am working (right now im in training) as a buyer for a buy-sell-trade, which has been fun. i will say that there is a certain pleasure that comes with earning money to pay for rent and basic needs, rather than puttering around, saving and spending frivolously. it's challenging to budget but i cut corners where i can. everyday i walk to work, an hour round trip. i come home exhausted but sleep wonderfully and i truly feel as though i've experienced an opposite reaction to the stress that most complain about with a move. ive lost weight, my acne has disappeared, i sleep, like i said, like a baby..i'm deeply calm and content. it's just been fabulously relaxing. much of this has to do with how trapped and misunderstood i felt at home. i don't yet have any friends, which has been the one downside of this move. i would love for my experience to be full of getting to know the area through people who live here, but i just independently explore and take myself out when i can.

last time i had a day off, i took myself out to whole foods for a coffee and vegan movie candy. then, salvation army for a 1970s print of a super leisurely, curly haired babe to hang above my bed and finally the early bird special movie which was full exclusively of old folks..which i wouldnt have thought anything of were it not for the sexually explicit nature of the movie. haha.

i got a cold which put a damper on things this week but there's not much you can do about that.

so far as my living situation goes, i am having difficulties with my roommates in some areas like how filthy the house is, which i end up cleaning always, but..what can you do? i live with all college-age boys so it's a challenge. however, if i didnt clean nobody would do it and they'd be more than happy to live with dust stalagmites collecting on the blades of the overhead fans and crusty, mooshy gobs of soap and mold thriving in the corner of the shower..my room is beautiful and makes me happy, and that's the most important thing to me.


as insensitive as it is, i don't really miss my family at all. i really do not miss the stress, tiffs and strained communication. what i do miss, though, is my kitties! so i've hatched a plan to charm my neighbor's tabby which ive seen sitting on the fence outside of my window, and we can be pals.


eye brows, i browse

i bought a mannequin that the gap had for sale the other night, i'm so glad i did cause i've been playing with it almost nonstop. it's basically like a barbie but for my clothes. it's a little bit of a hassle to take the arms on and off but other than that it's priceless to me at this point. i named her Char Treuse.

also like barbies are my models for the fashion show at school. i got to pick out shoes for the models the other day, which was a pleasure. beautiful shoes for beautiful girls.



acquired on a trip to san francisco some years ago.


vintage Guy Laroche, real with serial number, estate sale-d for a mere 5 smackers!


horse fight

after all this weird, emotional stuff i've been dealing with i've really put sewing on the back burner. so, today i'm picking out a little pattern to make to get me back into the swing of things. i'm thinking something with 2 pieces, sort of a 60s tunic and boy short set of some sort, which i happen to have several versions of. i'm also toying around with the idea of using this pattern from an adult halloween couple's costume package of mark anthony and cleopatra, the latter of which has this really dramatic swatch of fabric draped over the left shoulder and down the back. the only thing that's preventing me from using that pattern is my concern with the attractiveness of the pattern itself, there are no darts and i dont want to waste my time on manipulating a pattern today. it's quite a pleasure to work on something non school related, anyhow.


my fashion show is on the 21st of april, but i'm so freaked out about it i dont even want to touch on that.

also, i've recently crocheted a way great tam-o-shanter from a pattern off www.freevintagecrochet.com which i LOVE and highly recommend. it's too bad summer's almost here and i wont be able to wear it for a long while!


whenever i've cut my hair short, i've gone through a phase of ONLY wearing it up, somewhere in the growing process between shoulder and clavicle length. i actually love having my hair up, i think it's more attractive and flattering, at least for me. i can't wait until it's long again, but i'm still really enjoying having it lighter. i've been sporting that little pompadour-ish, top-heavy volumous up-do constantly since discovering it a week or two ago.

today, sinead and i are going to do a photoshoot with her buddy morgan, inspired by the ellen rodgers photos that she discovered through missmoss. it should be beautiful, especially considering how gloomy and wet it is out today and we're especially excited because we dont have any "friendship photos" i'll pick flowers to put in our hair. i'm very much into cut flowers in every corner of my room, the more rustic the better. my yard is up to your shoulders in chrysanthemums, so always those, plus a good amount of sweet peas and foxglove and huge purple roses and bottle brush.


doom and gloom

been listening to a lot of Billie Holiday, my sad single girl tunes of choice.

it's rained all week, i'm always cold and i cant really remember any of the days that have passed. i've spent time indoors sleeping, cooking vegetables (i'm really into sauteed zucchini right now) and playing with my hair, which is growing. it's interesting to me to measure my roots as the inches of mousy blonde build up. i dont mind if it looks funny.

last night i curled my hair and sinead and i went to thirsty thursdays at a restaurant we kind of sneak into. my curls lasted overnight and today it was raining, so i piled my hair onto the top of my head, like a mock gibson girl. i really enjoyed it.



forgetting about it

meeting people is tricky stuff, and i am certain that the pain of failed relationships is, though worth the effort sometimes, just as painful if not more painful then long-standing loneliness, especially for the fact that it poisons your thoughts and day dreams about how wonderful it will be when you do find someone to appreciate.

i'm still young and i have a whole life ahead of me, i have all the time in the world, every second that i'm alive could be spent finding companionship but thats not what i want because building my understanding of myself is more important than finding someone to fill in the blanks. nothing about knowing men makes logical sense to me, nothing about being in love makes me nostalgic and girlish but when i ignore what i think i know, i feel strongly that i need someone in my life to appreciate with the vigor that i already enjoy what i love. how can i read books or listen to music without becoming depressed when i dont have anyone to relate those feelings to? i feel as though i'm trapped in a state of prolonged adolescence, my love life is every bit as underwhelming and depressing and desperate as it was when i was 13. i guess i'm just waiting for my turn.