forgetting about it

meeting people is tricky stuff, and i am certain that the pain of failed relationships is, though worth the effort sometimes, just as painful if not more painful then long-standing loneliness, especially for the fact that it poisons your thoughts and day dreams about how wonderful it will be when you do find someone to appreciate.

i'm still young and i have a whole life ahead of me, i have all the time in the world, every second that i'm alive could be spent finding companionship but thats not what i want because building my understanding of myself is more important than finding someone to fill in the blanks. nothing about knowing men makes logical sense to me, nothing about being in love makes me nostalgic and girlish but when i ignore what i think i know, i feel strongly that i need someone in my life to appreciate with the vigor that i already enjoy what i love. how can i read books or listen to music without becoming depressed when i dont have anyone to relate those feelings to? i feel as though i'm trapped in a state of prolonged adolescence, my love life is every bit as underwhelming and depressing and desperate as it was when i was 13. i guess i'm just waiting for my turn.



BaronessVonVintage said...

it's true...on many levels, women especially have been laid astray by romanticism (esp. as thrown at us through media, chick flicks, perfume ads, etc)...so often, the "he might be my soul mate" or "is it love at first sight" way of thinking can lead a girl to be used, manipulated, or it can allow her to even put herself into physically dangerous situations (worst case). That being said, a world filled with pure reason would not be worth living in, in my opinion. I'm no expert, but I have gone through exactly what you are experiencing now. In my very late 20s, when I was at my most calloused and jaded, I met a guy who I have now been with for over 8 years (married for 5). Let me tell you, in my experience, it is a balancing act--passion and reason (or as Jane Austen put it, "sense and sensibility") that is more likely to lead one to fulfillment. If I could talk to my younger twenty something self, I would say: relax and enjoy the ride. Date, flirt, eat dinners out alone. Savour independence and social freedom. The "settling" down, the domestication if you will, will come soon enough. Easy to say that now. I spent so many years trying to fast forward through my "Turbulent twenties" that I don't think I spent enough time enjoying living in my own apartment, or going out dancing with just the girls, etc etc. xoxo

meena meena said...

thank you for offering me a little bit of insight on the whole situation..it's hard for me to discuss it with my mom (she was a teenage bride) and all of my pals are happily coupled off. though i dont necessarily wish to fast-forward my dating life and my fun years, having the security in knowing that someday after a fun, carefree few years i'll be content, whether it be in a relationship or with my own career, is so soothing.

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