today i found
its the best thing. i love it. i heart it, i suppose. where else could i find such cute kitty pictures without any lolcats junk? or pictures of lambs and little boys and lions and my little pony and socks and all of the wonderful things that i love, but taken so wonderfully that i could never even dream of capturing on film by my own hand? its like inspiration at my finder-tips.
a boy just sneezed very loudly. it disrupted my whole train of thought and the funny boy who was reading my emails earlier said something funny. i got his back when hes texting. he read that,too.
i woke up this morning very confused. im rocking back and forth between feelings and toying with ideas and concepts and where to go next. its nice to be at school today, when i can read and study and learn. it balances things out and adds structure to my thinking. i like to learn, i like it. exersizing my brain in this way feels alot better than working up feelings and emotions and trying to break through them without any know-how, no text book or anything like that. i need to gather up some sort of a basic concept of who i am, i think. id like to feel structured and organized in thought even when im by myself, even when im not studying. the instruction and the rules are a relief to me.
people are talking to themselves in here.
ive spent the morning confused and anxious. there is this feeling i get when i step into a pair of old shoes when its cold out, its this wierd crusty-crumbly leather on my toes, its not very nice at all. it makes me sweaty and nervous, and very uncomfortable, and my toes freeze and stiffen and the leather crumbs and bits of dried up leaves get stuck between my toes and my heel and the arch. i go home and rinse them off and shower and i feel alot better,though. i do love the smell of soap.
my wish for today is-
to make myself feel better by accomplishing the things ive been wanting to, and finding pleasure in that. making things better in my room or school makes me feel better.
ive been wearing the same thing every day at school. im getting very bored with it. im thinking(though, of course i couldnt wear this to school) finding some old animal masks and wearing them in my hair, a little helter-skelter. i think it woud be perfect, especially with the whiskers sticking out and things. mabye that will inspire new fashionfeelings. today and yesterday ive been excited with this new way of wearing my hair, id like to pile it all up ontop of my head like a ballerina on her off days, with tights, pretty shrunken things and lots of pink. my favorite pink belt has been broken, ripped and snapped and i feel very sore about it. i guess thats my fault, but that was really the key to yesterdays outfit that made me feel so good. i like my hair that way with a high waisted skirt all cinched in, i feel very long and streamlined and the high, narrow hair accentuates a narrow frame. pretty, thats what i think.
i would like to be in bed today, nursing my burnt tungue with my pajamas and lots of ginger candy.