im at school right now, with fifteen minutes before my biology laboratory class.
im being haunted,by the way.
yes, ive stopped using my ouija as its become more unresponsive, its not really a decision i made it just stopped working for me. ive been hearing loud pounding on walls, things are falling to the floor, my cat wakes up with a jump and runs out of my room for no reason, i wake up after horrible horrible dreams at three in the morning, its freezing in my room always after it used to be the warmest room in the house. i cant sleep on my stomach anymore because i get this strong fear that something is going to strangle me. its not very frightening or annoying until it prevents me from doing something i want to do, or when things seem to creep their way infront of doorways and i trip on them. nothing has gone missing, but its very peculiar.
i had a bad dream last night. all of my friends and exes and people ive met were just flashing before my eyes and not really doing anything, it was just this terrible terrible feeling that overcame me, the same sort of feeling of regret i have after a bad night. i thougt mabye its my friends and not me that are making me feel as bad as i do about things. mabye i should take these bad vibes i was feeling from all of them and take it as some sort of insight into who they really are.
i made this
its a little package for all of the things i find myself needing when i eat outside of the house-hotsauce (especially), ketchup, relish, forks and spoons. its really cute, i like it. the colors are my favorite part, and its constructed out of leftovers from coats and skirts i hemmed, which i always feel bad about throwing out so its nice to have something to do with.
ive felt much more creative this week than i have in a long time. mabye im feeling the relief of mercury coming out of retrograde, or something, but its nice.
there is a giant roadrunner outside of the window eating a lizard, he hops around school with rodents and pests in his mouth often
im excited for my burrito after school, other than that i dont have very much to look forward to for the next few hours.its much much better than sleeping in the back of my mom's car,though. i had THE best burrito of quite possibly my whole life last week, mm-mm.
i didnt have time to make my bed or tidy up at all before i left for school today, all i could do really was get dressed and eat my fruity pebbles. i ended up showering just because it was so goshdarn cold, not really even like i was dirty or anything. i hate being cold like this. mabye i should try to wear pants more often..
what am i saying?
i feel this lack of honesty inside of me lately. i used to really believe i was a good person, now i feel like i spend more time just convincing myself that i am. i might not be a good person anymore.