garam masala

im exhausted.

i keep feeling like this in the middle of the day, i feel tired and uninspired and like the portion of the day from 2:30 through 5 is spent not really doing anything, which i dont like.

i just drank a big fat cup of coffee, and i still feel this way. i only feel good for a few minutes, then i crash. it isnt even as though it keeps me perky for a few hours, not even an hour. i dont like it. the best thing to do when i start to feel like this is usually act on my exhaustion and take a nap or go for a walk. id rather spend a part of my day that i dont feel good walking than spend an hour i will miss walkin off the lbs.

i talked to b. on the phone last night, once again im suprised with how difficult it is to try to share with even my closest friends what is happening in my life. im not sure if the person at fault is them or i, everytime i try to explain they just end up confused, it seems. hes on a bus to santa cruz today.

i deleted m. this morning.

last night a ghost talked to me at matts house. it whispered in my ear and it was a lady. i asked josh if he heard it and he didnt know what i was talking about. it was only two syllables and i dont even know what she said, but she creeped right up behind me and told me something. everybody knows matt's house is haunted. i wish i could remember.

i talked on my ouija today, it was working out really well the whole time, im glad. "buster" told me alot of strange things about b. and me, it said i was like a mermaid, which is strange because ive been talking about mermaids alot, either about me looking like the little mermaid, or my name meaning mermaid, or my astrological sign being half fish, i wonder what significance that has. it told me that i knew b. in a past life, that he took care of me, and then left. it also told me there were demon fists around. wierd things.


my room is the most beautiful place in the world.
- a embroidered ameoba-type thing that i could figure out which way to hang, it might be upside down
- a watercolor b. painted for me for my sixteenth birthday, one of my prized possessions, a pretty fawn
- a pendant with UTAH on it
-a small poster my mom bought me from little india
- a painting on wood of a little boy in pajamas crying before brushing his teeth
- my to-do list
- several plaques reading "smile,god loves you", another one of a spaniel and the specific breed name, and one other im not sure,though.
- some national geographic clippings of marmosets and tazmanian devils, and a page reading "know your trucks"
- my mushroom paintings
-some embroidered matching butterfly pictures with 3-d pom-pom flowers
- a painted flamenco dancer
- a paper-mache owl
- a hanging planter with nothing inside of it
- a pair of neon embroidered pictures of a teddy bear and a parrot
...there is also supposed to be a plaque that has a little dancing girl on it, but it fell behing the bed when i was bouncing on it once and i never went back to get it.

i watched the birds today, for the rest of the afternoon i will take a walk, study, finish a pair of slippers and mabye fix some skirts and things.


we call the mark on her thigh the t-bone, just because its t-shaped.

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