tonight ive already gotten a project done, a new dress. now im going to stay up and watch a movie about a man who goes places on a lawnchair with balloons tied to it, and while im doing that im going to paint my nails, and then read. I was talking to b. about staying up later than i do. well him staying up late, and me going to bed early. he didnt really encourage that i stay up late or anything, most people admire my early bedtime because they cannot sleep that early, but its not hard for me. i like it. it makes me into the morning person that i am, but today i slept in all the way until eleven! it was strange trying to plan my meals, how to go about starting my day, making my bed in the bright sun. i went out to the kitchen and my kitty was mad at me for sleeping in so late. jens even offered to make me a cup of coffee and i didnt wake up for it.
I had nice dreams,though. scary dreams and dreams that i believed for a few seconds after i woke up, or during the in-between wake-ups. cancer and babies and floods and bayous. the best part about my dreams are the places. i liked the part of my dream when a friend and i walked into a forest and hung all of our pretty clothes on a big tree with branches that stuck out vary far and lengthwise. we took clothes down and folded them,too. then i hopped into a boat with bryan and we paddled.
this was my view this afternoon when you broke me the news. its the same view as any other conversation with anybody, but someday, i swear, i will get up on a ladder and scrub off the wierd stain on the wall. i found some egg shells jens crushed behind my bed when he had a friend over once, too. ill clean that up later, but its not as important.
my hands are dry. my breath is bad. my rib felt wierd earlier. my jaw hurts. my hamstring still hurts.
i wish i was a ham. a big fat boar or a sow, and someone would just cut me up then eat me. there is something a bit more hopeful about that than reincarnation, with little pieces of me living inside someone.
i want to write a letter. those envelopes in the pst last night make me want to have someone to write to. mabye i can work harder on being charming.