its october time,now.
im waking up in the mornings cold again.
theres a dead rat in the walls again.
and im still the same ole marina.
i went out with ronni for her birthday yesterday, we made a stencil and then we went to see a movie. by the end of the movie we were all very tired and i was excited to go home and it was nice to sleep.
bryan called me today, except this conversation was much worse than the other ones weve been having.i asked my ouija board about him and about ronni and colin, too. i feel bad because i know their futures and they dont.i trust my ouija, i asked it if it wanted to be friends with me and it said it would. it rattled my walls.mabye well be freinds with benefits and he'll rattle by bed!ghost sex.no attachments.does that count?
theres no escaping bryan.
i feel sad when hes not around and i cant help it, and when he is around i end up dissapointed in one way or another.theres a part of me that just wants to take care of him and i think that leads to alot of sadness because its a different sort of affection.i feel almost motherly towards him, not as sexual as innocent.its sort of like i just want to see him happy, and i want to make sure hes always that way.i know that when i see him it will never be like i want it. hell always be into some other girl, too. or hell have something to make fun of me for.he says i target all of my bulletins and blog entries towards him , and i dont really, i just know he reads them.i have to censor and edit alot. i hope he doesnt read this one,though. if you did, hello.
im a little scared that im inviting ghosties and monsters into my house when i use my ouija. i dont want to beome posessed!mabye thats why my moms been so sassy.