ive been having a horrible couple of days.
last night i told matt i didnt want to be his friend anymore.i feel guilty, but theres no use keeping myself in a situation that im not enjoying myself in. i suppose its bad karma,but i did what i had to do.
i spent the hours before the argument whipping up my lobster claws,which are coming together very quickly.i hope i dont have to do them over or anything, the pattern is sort of complicated and because im doing it all in my head there are alot of mistakes to be made,so ive just got to take it as it comes. ive learned that the best way to make things when im using my own pattern is to do it in the most basic way i can, and oddly enough it almost always comes out perfectly with all its quirks and loose ends. i think its more charming that way.
last night the temperatures rose terribly high and i got up in the night and wrapped myself in a wet towel. a few hours later i woke with my window open and the shivers in my mouth, and when i went lookin for my blanket it was covered in garbage from my overflowing wastepaper basket. i had an awful dream about bryan matt and laura. bryan and i were seeing eachother and he was also sleeping with laura, i kept hitting her though. we were in some strange apocalyptic Fallbrook and everyone was panicking.they left matt and i alone bunch of times and we got mad at them. of course bryan was being a jerk. i woke up angry and sad and completely awake at 5:30.
i think a bad nights sleep was what i deserved for what i had done, and im sure ive got a bad day to come.
i just want to move far away.