everything in the world

the weather outside today makes me think of lots of things. they are almost identical to the days i used to spend in the late summer walking down to the public swimming pool to take my proficiency classes when i was about ten. today is also alot like days in the late fall before christmas i would spend in ryan's car. it reminds me of snacktime with bryan at the highschool. it reminds me of going over to ronnis house after school when my mom couldnt pick me up, and we would go eat ice cream together. these are some of my favorite things to think about anyway. today is pretty, but only in a sentimental way that will likely depress me by the mid-morning. its a good day to spend with other people, so we can share our coziness and spread it all around to keep eachother warm.


ive been having very pretty dreams about things i love. about giant conservatories and the houses of my neighbors in the old neighboorhood, and apples and forests. last night i had a dream about trying hard to step over trash in a big river on the way to school with ronni and some boy i saw in a movie a few nights before. i was wearing this very pretty lavender dress with netting and yarn and layers and taffeta and lace, it was a giant wad of pretty things, and i was in the middle of it. i went to school in this very big old conservatory-esque building, with glass rooftops and giant classrooms with tall ceilings and there were pterodactyls flying everywhere. the classrooms were dark, and i ate my lunch by myself. i left class and it rained. i ran off into the awnings of a deserted old house where ronni and i got into a fight about our friends being gay or not. my dad woke me up with a call, asking me to mail something to him at work. even the way i wake up is different, i wake up slowly and go in and out of consiousness, when i used to wake up and right after be in the kitchen, eating my breaky. ive become dependent on midnight snacks to fall asleep, which ive never done before. i suppose it makes sense because the food network is one of the only programs i like watching before bed.

i want a friend to be with on days like these. they dont even have to be friends i talk to on sunny days, days just like these are alright by me.


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