ive just gotten back from the doctor, on the windiest, rainiest day of winter weve had yet, after having had my warts frozen off plus a random spot on my thumb that the doc thought was the wart. before that i went to another doctor. i ate too much today, but im insatiably hungry and im hard-up trying to find anything else that makes me as happy as eating, so theeeeeeere.

now with my fingers stinging and sore, im having a bit of a hard time typing and im imagining ill also have difficulties sewing or knitting, so over the next couple days, hopefully just a day until i get sensation back into my fingers, ill be surrendering my life away in favor of days in bed, sleeping in, wrapped up in my heating blanket (who comforts me when im sad and soothes my back) drinking too much coffee and watching terrible television.

truthfully, if anybody bothered to call me or ask me out or wanted to talk, id forget about my pain and be out of bed, bright eyed and bushy tailed in a moment. but life's been more than a little depressing around here, and no matter how much id like to nip this bad mood in the bud and get to workin, theres an undeniable appeal to just lurking around the house, wrapped in a blanket, feeling lonesome and allowing myself, for once in the last 3 years, to just not..do..anything.

luckily for me, im only seventeen going-on eighteen, and its easy for me to compartmentalize my mood swings and anxieties under the banner of "waaah i hate my life nobody loves me!" to other people and be able to talk openly and freely about how i feel, knowing that folks will just assume im having a moment of self-doubt or there are problems at home and that its all normal, and thats fine with me.

so whatever, annnnnd i hate my life, and my boyfriend's mean to me, and i dont wanna get fat but i cant stop eating, and im bored and i have no friends.